


Kingsman : Escape from London : Now with added teddy Bears

by evlara



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 22:04:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3994573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evlara/pseuds/evlara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't Judge me for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Galahard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galahard/gifts).



Hahaha!!! Fuckboi Charlie-san the evil villian laughed as he gazed at his huge armies!!! "Soon I will take over Earth!!! And nobody can stop me!!!

Then our sexy gang knew what to do. They had to infiltrate Fuckboi Charlie-san's phallic shaped volcano but in order to do so, they had to wear a disguise. 

Harry Hart-san thought long and hard about the best disguise. They couldn't be too obvious or threatening because then Fuckboi Charlie-san's guards could catch them. But they couldn't look too mundane because then Fuckboi Charlie-san's guards would never let them in.They couldn't go naked, as they were likely to be distracted.By Sex.  
No... they had to be clever.

So Harry Hart-san came up with the best idea he had: they would dress up in gothic clothes!  
Harry Hart-san's friends were a little skeptic at the idea, but they all agreed it was for the best. But where would they get the best gothic clothing to surprise the guards with?  
Roxy Morton-san knew exactly the best store to go: TBurtons.

So they all went there in the dread of the night and smashed in the doorlock in order to enter the store. Eggsy Unwin-san deactivated the alarm and so they could easily get into the store and take whatever they need in order to infiltrate Fuckboi Charlie-san's headquarters 

Harry Hart-san put on nice tight studded leather pantsthat made his trouser lump stand out noticeably. . Then a black tanktop with My Chemical Romance's logo on the back and on top of it all a nice long leather coat with blood-red streaks on the side. Then he painted his nails black and used red to draw little drops of blood on there   
Roxy Morton-san wore a short red skirt with long black stockings that had holes where the toes would go so she could still paint her toenails. And she also had a corset made from demonleather that looked so awesome on her. Over this all she had a long leather coat. Eggsy Unwin-san also had cool clothes (A/N but I'm running out of imagination to describe it, so I guess he looked like Neo from the Matrix i know it's an old movie but those clothes look soooo cool)

Finally they were ready to face Fuckboi Charlie-san!


	2. Chapter 2

nce apon a time...  
Harry Hart woke up one day and discovered that he was goth. his parents had come to him and told him that he was really adopted and was in fact the decadent of the fallen angel!

So now knowing that Harry Hart was the relative of the great duke of the night, Harry Hart saw that he had to change everything about him because he was not really what he thought he was.

But luck would have it that Harry Hart's best friends Serenity Darkmoon Raven and Eggsy Unwin had heard the news of Harry Hart's parents and that they had arranged to accompany Harry Hart on his journey to find himself. First stop....the shopping centre!

At the shoppingcenter Harry Hart went to all the cool black clothes stores. Now that he was really a half vampire, or as his parents told him, a dhampire (a/n: really, that's what they're called!), his parents had given him a credit card with ulminited funds to become his true self!

But Harry Hart was really actually very drepssed. It was really hard to suddenly discoger that your parents had lied to you all those yaers and it wasn't made it any better by Harry Hart suddenly remembering a horrible thuing of his past. Harry Hart was sexkually abused! And now Harry Hart also remembered by who but he didn't dare to tell Serenity Darkmoon Raven and Eggsy Unwin because he was afraid that thye would discover what had happened to Harry Hart and why Harry Hart was depressed!

 

So while they were picking out black and red clothes and nail polish, Harry Hart tried to fight his tears by listening to Evanessence. Because for the first time in Harry Hart's life, he had the feeling someone understood his pain. So Harry Hart listened to the songs in one ear while using his other ear to follow Eggsy Unwin's story. 

But it was so difficult because Harry Hart.... really loved Eggsy Unwin!

Harry Hart knew these were wrong feelings to have because... younknow, it's Eggsy Unwin and their love would make life very difficult because Harry Hart also remembered a prophecy that someone had told him in the past (before he was rapped) and that said that if Harry Hart would ever fall in love with Eggsy Unwin, that then Chester King would find them and kill them!

And as Harry Hart was putting on some new blood red ankle spikes that went well with the dark black studded dog collar that Serenity Darkmoon Raven had recommended, Harry Hart suddenly saw a glint in the distance and he knew instantly what it was: it was the diamond cock ring of Chester King! He had come to haunt Harry Hart and destroy Eggsy Unwin!  
\---  
Harry Hart stopped and gazed into space.  
Oh no.  
It was happening; He couldn't help thinking about Eggsy Unwin again. He tried not too. Desperate to avoid the thoughts that could not be, no, - would not be- held back.  
But like dozens of unstoppable Security gaurds they came creeping forward till they filled His brain;

Eggsy Unwins smile shined like Glass, as impressive as a Glaciers, it filled the Palace and Harry Hart was helplessly but willingly absorbed into them.

Eggsy Unwins eyes were like Cricketballs.If you rolled them they would go quite far.  
(Almost as lovely as mine. lol!/AN)  
Eggsy Unwins legs were like a Tree. Straight and tight.  
(Mine are best though. Lol!/AN)  
Eggsy Unwins chest was like a Ninjas. Powerful and impossible to ignore.  
(For the purposes of this story, I am going to pretend that Eggsy Unwins arnt as good as mine/AN)

How could Harry Hart not be helpless in the face of that?.  
I mean, sure, Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin had sex with eachother before, when they met at a club once, but it was just a casual thing. One of many that night.  
Before things got too messy Harry Hart snapped out of it. But the thoughts of Eggsy Unwin would be back. Would He be able to resist next time?  
\---

Fortunately Merlin worked at a newspaper nowadays and he used the database of the newspaper to find out home turf of Chester King's ruffians.   
Their search led to a gay night club in the darkiest and stormiest part of London. Harry Hart was a little hesitant to go. It was rather scary and it was dark and stomy in that secting of London. But the courage in him was greater than his fear because with his Dat ass he should be able to accomplish anything, right, Harry Hart thought to himself.  
And Merlin would join Harry Hart.

So not to fall out of fashion they both stripped and squeezed into their most gothyest clothing. Harry Hart had to admit that Merlin looked kind of sexy in that outfit of his. But Harry Hart didn't dare to comment on that (Harry Hart had only just discovered he was bi, and was a little angxious over that. He wans't sure if his othre friends would accept that!.   
Harry Hart instead poored down his soul into his make-up. He bore incandesent blood-rose coloured finger nails with black streaking strips and gave Merlin the same treatment. Merlin gorgeous eyes met Harry Hart's and for a moment they were both swimming in a pool made of a lovely combination of their eyes colours. It was romance they knew, but they didn't know whether it was a forbidden one or not!

Oh hell, Chester King could wait. Now Harry Hart looked upon Merlin with lust filling his prick . Chester King could be taking over the world for what Harry Hart cared, now it should be all about him and Merlin. 

But little did Harry Hart know that in fact Merlin had been lusting after him as well! With force and lust Merlin threw Harry Hart onto the closet and thrusted himself right into Harry Hart. Harry Hart moaned. they came. Then they went off and defeated Chester King.  
\---  
Interlude:  
Harry Hart was finding it really hard to concentrate at this movement his thoughts kept trying to think of Eggsy Unwin. Despite what was happening, it was hard to focus!  
\----  
Our heroes arrived at the central district.   
"How will we find where he is based in this big city?"   
"We will never find him."  
"It will be like looking for a needle in a haystack."  
"Maybe not, look...there!"   
Behind them was a massive blimp sign with Chester King Corp scribbled upon it in bold .   
So they found where he was,and entered the Skyscrapper...   
As they entered there was lots of Security gaurds.   
So they swung back their trenchcoats and murdercided them all with their concealed Oziss of awesome(but no one died!).  
.  
"Ok, he is sure to be in the penthouse sweet in his House " said Merlin pressing the correct elevator button   
The elevator went up a few floors. SUDDENLY there was a bang on the roof!   
"down!" shouted Gazelle.  
And they did. Which is just as well, because seconds later...   
The hatch opened and a couple of Ninjas with Slingshots pirouetted down.   
"oh god! What are we going to do!?" said Eggsy Unwin  
"We gota think fast" said Merlin.  
"Ok"   
"I know you dont like violence, Harry Hart, But you have to do this. Do it for me. please.." Said Serenity Darkmoon Raven

"Ok, your right, I know we have to fight them" said Harry Hart who did a massive mighty super kirate kick just as the first soldier landed   
but it missed!. Fortunatly Serenity Darkmoon Raven was there to catch Harry Hart. And did a turbo ninja kick in return causing boobs to bounce which knocked them unconscious.   
"Nice work. But its not over yet! Look!"   
A massive Goon appeared, but they killed him.  
Ding! They had reached their floor.  
\---  
And then, at the worst possible moment. It happened. Again.  
Harry Hart gazed at Eggsy Unwin.  
It was impossible to resist this time. Like a White horse Harry Hart was pulled towards Eggsy Unwin. It was a like Infiltration in a war. It was a like a Tommygun piercing through His heart. (and other lower regions of the body) It was a like magnets.  
There was No resisting. No mercy. No Pants. No longer anything else mattered.

Eggsy Unwin looked shocked and then...and then...not shocked. He had known all along.  
Of course. How could Harry Hart have been so stupid? Those long looks at eachother,the times they gazed at the stars together, the candle lit dinners. The steamy showers.. The non stop sex.  
It wasn't just friendship. It never was. It was more and Eggsy Unwin had known all along.  
"I knew" Eggsy Unwin said.  
"oh" Harry Hart said, realizing all this for the first time.  
But there was more...Eggsy Unwin wasn't pulling away. He was pushing tighter. Holding Harry Hart like a wild Spectacled bear.  
At some point their clothes came off.  
They got ripped in the process of the pashioning  
He didn't care. This is what he had needed for so long. too long. Day. maybe more.  
But this was now now.   
Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin together at last!  
They canoddled like lovers and made love with their naughty bits.  
They took it in turns inserting their bits into eachother. Harry Hart inserted his bit into Eggsy Unwin. Then Eggsy Unwin inserted his bit into Harry Hart. They repeated this a few times.(Toys were used)  
Harry Hart never knew Being a bottom could be used for THAT!

Afterwards (when they had finished cleaning their bits)they looked at eachother as if for the first time and had a cigarette.  
But they knew they must leave.  
They didn't want anyone to see.  
Their forbidden love must remain hidden for now. Perhaps forever.  
Harry Hart took one last look at Eggsy Unwin.  
"Goodbye my snuggly one"  
"Love you too, my one and only Harry Hart"

And then they departed.  
\---  
"So you have come" said a voice booming from the sky   
A Helicopter appeared above them.   
Chester King laughed at them from it.  
"Ha Ha Ha Ha"   
"I could gun you all down from here with my Chainsaw, but I would rather do this...personal style."  
He leaped down and landed at the far side of the rooftop   
"Ready?" he said, still laughing. 

Harry Hart removed his shirt and flexed his abs.   
"Yes. I am ready. I was born ready."   
With that they leaped at eachother, metaphorical guns blazzing (which were littoral Tommyguns).   
"I kill you dead"   
Chester King head butted Harry Hart in the chest

Harry Hart fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground.   
"Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Chester King  
"You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?"   
"I had too, for all that is good and just in the world."   
"Well now you will die. Goodbye."   
Chester King leaned over Harry Hart holding his penis.

"Quick Harry Hart use this!" said Serenity Darkmoon Raven ,chucking a nearby Star Of David towards Harry Hart.  
Harry Hart grabbed it and chucked it towards Chester King hard, knocking him backwards....off the edge of the tall Farmhouse they were on!   
"Goodbye, Chester King have a nice fall!"   
"ARrrrrgggg" 

 

"We are safe now, he fell to certain doom."   
Eggsy Unwin and Merlin got out from the cornor where they were cuddleing. "Thank you, you saved us all"   
"Dont mention it."   
But then! Chester King appeared! He had landed in his Blimp that was nearby!   
"I will get you next time! I will kill you all!"   
To Be Continued!


	3. Chapter 3

Once apon a time...  
Harry was rescueing some bunch of flowers.   
Suddenly he bumped into Merlin-san.   
"Whoa I didnt expect to see you here at your house."   
"Yes I come here every tuesday."   
Suddenly, there was a slow creapy, scary noise.  
They stared deeply and loveingly at eachover .   
But they bumped into a deep dark scary hole.   
"oh no I have have been damaged " said Hart-san.   
"I believe King-san is behind this!"  
"I deduced as much myself did I"  
"He is behind an mega evil scheme to dominate ourtown."   
"How"?   
By finding a powerfull Alarmclock of doom and fireing it at us.   
"can we stop him?"   
Yes, by finding the pencilcase of satan.   
"where?"   
In the magical island , hidden in the mountings of bunny rabbits , opposite the Dress of hell.  
........ There lies a signpost...it will tell you where to go.  
"Who are you?"   
"..."  
With that the myseterious invisible voice vanished in a puff of smoke.  
"Come now, Hero, we must find and seak our quest to do!"   
"Indeed thee must hasten to hawk yonder!"   
And with that they left   
\---  
Later, once they were alone and away from the others, Hart met with Unwin in a nearby Apartment  
They had been meeting like this awhile now, often in the evenings or at night.  
A deep friendship had struck up after their previous adventures, but they kept it hidden as they didn't know what the others would think.  
They often did some talking, some Being a bottom, maybe a few board games.  
They were quite close friends by now.

This particular night they were shearing secrets with eachother. Telling eachother things neither had told anyone else before. Things that not a single soul knew.

"Then there was that time I...Destroyed Gazelle-sans Troute!"  
"oh, Harry! thats positively evil! and I should know!"  
They both laughed. The night had been full of stories like this. The time Unwin blackmailed a a Biochemist. Or the time Harry fooled a Miner into thinking it was the end of the world.. Endless stories shared just between them and no one else.  
It was making them closer.  
Closer then Harry had ever thought possible.  
As Hart was telling another story, He thought He saw Eggsy examining him. Looking with..was that longing?  
nah...couldn't be.  
The moment was over and they departed eachothers company.  
Harry felt something had changed that night, but wasn't sure what.  
\---  
MG! We are almost there", Hart-san said after traveling for ages.   
"GOOD GRIEF, I didnt think we had journed this far!"   
They sat down for a rest break and to plot their trajectory into the evil ones HQ base.   
"WE must find the Sex Pollen.   
"I forgot all about that", said Hart-san, who was generaly considered a moron, so we all laugh at them for forgetting. HAHA! Funny hu?   
"HAHA, you remember now"   
"yes"   
"Good"   
"yes"   
"Good"   
What happened next was soo cool you will like it a lot, basicaly, it went like this: 

Only it was even cooler because i didnt have to write it! When it was in my head the words didnt get in the way. btw, Excuse me if i skip the words occasionaly, its to save me time.   
Ok, after they finnished the Tree they went to the base where the final battle started when they got there. Dont worry! The bad guy dies! 

Interlude:  
Hart at that moment felt in his pocket. Thats strange there was a note.   
It said he should rendezvous at the demolished beach at sunset.

Harry kept this secret as it was clearly just for Him.  
\---  
\---  
"Why are you looking at me like that? Its almost like your want me badly. Ha Ha!" Hart chuckled.

"You're my one true friend, Harry, probably the best one I've had in a long time. I like talking to you, hanging out with you, and I even love listening to you sing.  
...And now that you've pointed it out, I think I might like trying sex with you."

"You're touching me. That's not considered appropriate behavior," Hart whispered, His bottom lip trembling while his limbs felt frozen.

"Maybe not. But I don't think you're going to stop me." Eggsy stroked his hand up Harry's hip, and pulled his shirt from his trousers. Harry's eyes fluttered shut when he felt Unwin's fingers touch the skin of his lower back. But he forced them open again and stared into Eggsy's pretty eyes.

"I should stop you." Hart knew he should. This was Eggsy. Unwin! Could he dare wreck their close friendship? And what about their destiny? But that didn't bother Hart nearly as much. 

"Stop me," Unwin said, and made it sound like a dare.

Harry was all set to give Unwin a glare, but it faded away when He got his first real look at Eggsy.I mean sure, Harry had seen Unwin before, but not REALLY seen them. Not with these new eyes which Hart now had. His eyes had been opened.Like he was seeing for the first time.Like the wool was no longer over his eyes.

Eggsy's manly chest.   
His pretty neck.   
His uncontrollable eyebrows.

 

In point of fact, Harts mouth went a little slack and there may have been some drool.

It dripped on Unwin.   
Eggsy didn't seem to mind Harts fluids though. Any kinda of fluid dropping on him was fine it seemed. "ewww" he said but half way it turned to a "owwwwwww".  
"owwwwwww"!  
It was a "owwwwwww" of pleasure.  
It was the first of many sounds to come

They kissed eachother softly. Harry whispering sweat nothings into Eggsys ear.

 

After they had finished - exhausted and embarrassed, they decided to go home and tell all their friends  
\--  
Hart-san followed the screaming till he reached his brother, who was being tortured.   
There was blood all over the floor.Some on the cieling too, as if really bad violence had been happening.It was horific.  
"Harry! Over here! quick! help me! It hurts" 

Then Hart-san saw the final boss, who had been torturing his brother.   
Harry shot bullets from his Tommygun really fast and the bullets went WAM! and hit Chester in the eyes and then he couldnt see(because blood was pooring out).

Harry said "Eat This!" and punched King-san in the eye and the King-san went to his knees.  
And his blood doth stain the floor on which they walked.  
Hart-san said "He is dead now, you is safe"   
"Thank you!"   
"Glade I could help, brother"   
"But you should come earlier next time!" and they laughed


End file.
